Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Why, oh, why does it hurt so much to end a relationship? The short answer is that we are socio-enculturated to believe in Big Love. "Love is the answer to everything." "Love is all you need." "Don’t you want somebody to love you?" It’s tough to buck the system, but it can be done.

There’s emotional work to do when you end a relationship, whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee. If you don’t do your homework, then you will repeat the situation over and over again until you do. There’s a lot of F.O.G. (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) in almost every relationship and F.O.G., even when it ends, takes a long time to work through.

My friend Karen, who counsels young women who are often in the turmoil of relationship woes, says that many young women work at Trying To Date Someone as hard as if they were working a second job. And here’s the news flash—it shouldn’t be that hard. If you have to work-work-work at the relationship, then maybe (gasp) it is not the best relationship for you.

And in the world according to “Designing Women’s” Suzanne Sugarbaker, “The answer to every problem a woman has is not ‘You need a date.’” There’s a lot of women that cringe when their friends say, “Maybe you’ll meet a man.”

AARP did a landmark study on older women and re-marriage and they found that older women don’t feel that they HAVE to remarry, or even date. Just about two years ago, the statistics on single households beat out the Ozzie-and-Harriet households. Women are on to a great and wonderful secret – We can make it without Prince Not-So-Charming.

And as my friend Alan says, “I’ve been unhappy and married and unhappy and single. And believe me, unhappy and single is much easier.”

Janelle